there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!