I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?