So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?