I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday