I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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