i think i have two assholes
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Randomize
