he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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