i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
