After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
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Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
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I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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