Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
areolas are like halos for boobs.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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