Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
