I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
