we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
