My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
