My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
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