At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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