nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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