I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
