this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
