My sheets look like a crime scene.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
