I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
