Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
