Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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