I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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