You work out of a Hotel?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
