Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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