cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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