Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
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