I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
