God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
