when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
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No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
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I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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