She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
