half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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