dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
