we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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