The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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