I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
