Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
