Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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