i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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