How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize