at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
