My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Damn victory sex feels great
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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