Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
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