DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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