NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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