There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
