i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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