Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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