Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Alive.
So much puke
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
