I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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