I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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