I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
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This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
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We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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