There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize