After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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