Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I am one with the molecules
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
