remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
