Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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