You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I cut my penus on the lid.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
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Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
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I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"