so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day