So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.