sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.