Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
