Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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