1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
