I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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