I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
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i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
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This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize