Just fell off a train. Bad.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
